It’s not a straight line…

Hello…

What to say? Yes I’m back. Yes I’ve been struggling. But that’s it. I am back.

I heard the sentence “you have to chose recovery every single day” very often. But I never realised what meaningful sentence it is. I always gave up on recovery, as soon as I started struggling. But that’s not what it’s about. 

I didn’t do that within the last two weeks. I woke up and survived. Somehow. But I didn’t live. I’ll turn 19 in 2 days and I have wasted about 6-7 years being unhappy and refusing help. This has to stop!  

As soon as I have moved (in october I’ll start to study social work at university) I’ll look for medical & psychological support. I have constant physical & mental pain, so to speak. I will have to admit that I can’t make it through this alone. 

  This is so true somehow…

  This is what I have to learn…

   

 I am super grateful for my friends, but now as everyone moves away to an other university it’s tough…

  Sorry for being childish, but I loved these pics πŸ˜‰ 


Yup, this post is quite vague, not very emotional, not going into details and rather short. But at least I came back to my RECOVERY blog. Because I believe it will be worth it!

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Sorry for not posting but…

… I am in so much stress atm.

Today I had my last exam (SCHOOLTIME OVER WOHOOO) went pretty well, I’m happy with all the results.

Also we had the LAST ballet rehearsal today. Soooo excited for the performances On friday/ saturday/ sunday… I’m so happy to be able to dance again! My ED will never ever again stand between me and ballet, I promise!! 

I love the life behind and on stage and I will rock this last performances! 

Stay Strong everyone! 

Remember: Food is fuel for your dreams, not an enemy!!! 

  

UpdateΒ 

Hi everyone!

I haven’t been blogging in a while, I just couldn’t find the time & words… I still have a list of topics I wanted to talk about, but I didn’t manage finishing any of the posts yet.. 

Anyways, let me give you a short update about what’s going on:

β€’ Yesterday I received the Results of My written a-levels exams and I’m quite happy with the outcome. Math wasn’t good at all but I knew tht before, I just hate maths … πŸ˜‹

β€’ The  Next week will be stuffed: my oral exam (LAST EXAM IN MY SCHOOLTIME!) will be on wednesday or thursday. That’s fine. On tuesday / wednesday & thursday I’ll have ballet rehearsals. On friday / saturday & sunday I’ll have ballet performances. Oh and this week on friday I have ballet classes, on saturday another rehearsal and somewhere inbetween I should prepare my oral exam. So please excuse me if I will not find much time to blog … 

β€’ Within the last couple of months I always experienced pain and bloating after meals, not after every meal but after so many. I felt super unwell and I couldn’t figure out any reason, so I thought of it as some psychosomatical crap that my ED had caused. Now, after I told my mum, she observed the whole thing for a while and we found out that I am probably lactose-intolerant. After buying lactose-free products, things became better. Not so cool, but yeah, finally I know the reason for it, AND I can do something against it.

β€’ I gained a little bit of weight. After being ill last week I had lost weight and I gained back a little bit of it. Still insecure how I should feel about it. 

So these are the most important news atm ☺️ πŸ’• I’ll try to post soon again but as you could see, I have a lot of crap going on… 

Hope you have a good time! Stay strong πŸŒΈπŸ’•

  I just tried out making a Cappuchino with lactose-free milk: It’s delicious ^_^

Yes today I’ll spam you. Yes I’m bored.😜

A smartphone can be such a great thing πŸ˜› at the moment I use it to distract myself from my situation as it is full of triggers for ‘bad’ behaviours…

Anyways, my morning snack:

  Cooked egg, small rounds of whole wheat bread, carot sticks and baby tomatoes – YUMMY! πŸ™‚ 

  My mum kept telling me that I don’t drink enough, since I was ill, so NEMO gotta help me ;P At the moment I enjoy being outside but I’ll probably Watch one or two episodes of ‘law and order’ until lunch (yes I have to confess: Sometimes I really love this crime series πŸ˜‰ ).

Sorry guys for the spam but I am determined to not give in today! πŸ’ͺ Stay strong everyone ❀ πŸ’•